It Exceeded My Expectations, But Did Not Meet My Standards

In the summer of 2018, I performed at the Portland Maine Comedy Festival. They chose me for their 'Best of' Show on the Saturday of the fest. Wonderful! Friend and fellow comedian Katie Johnston and mentor, Keary McCutchen were also performers as well, so we had a road trip up to Maine.

I expected lots of patrons to pack into a big theater. The building would be similar to an opera house, with rows of seats and rafters. The stage would have those giant curtains like on The Tonight Show and I'd be performing for tons of people.

The first venue we got to was the upstairs of a church. The room was about the size of a small house, not the theater I pictured. It was nice, but it would have been nicer if there were much of an audience. I think there were a total of 25 non-comics there. Fewer as the show went on. Katie opened, which was nice, but I noticed a dip in quality of each comic as the show went on. "Is this the best Main has to offer?" I thought. Many of the worst comics were Maine locals.

I pictured comedy festivals as these big productions with talented acts and agents scouting for the next big thing. But it's just the same garbage scene with a fancy banner. The crappy open mic in Jacksonville? That's pretty much comedy everywhere. This was supposed to be a showcase! Keary, who's been doing this much longer than me, didn't seem to be surprised.

Things didn't improve from there. My show was in the upstairs bar of a local restaurant. The room was literally empty save for the back seats occupied by other comics. I got applause for the line, "Well, this was worth the 22 hour drive." Keary's performance was in what looked like an abandoned building that used to be a pizza parlor on a less-than-desirable part of town.

A year later, Katie got into the Flamingo Comedy Festival. She would be one of about 15 comics on a showcase. Another friend, Annette, and I made the trek to South Florida to see her. Again, I hoped for a big theater, but expected that would not be the case. The room was about the size of a high school gymnasium, and the seats were regular office chairs. The competing comics were actually decent. A couple were quite good. A couple were merely Boca locals that pandered to enough people to get a positive reaction. They had no place on stage and were painful to watch.

Florida is a big state, the third-largest in the US. The best people in Florida should be some of the best in the US. It should have been a barn-burner. What I saw felt like an open mic night on a really good night as opposed to a star-studded competition.

"What did you think of the show?" Asked Katie.

"It exceeded my expectations."

"That's good."

"I didn't say that."

What I wanted was a shiny diamond: Large, glistening, sculpted to perfection by an expert craftsman. What I expected was a bathtub full of diarrhea. Whereupon I would have to get in the bathtub, lather up, and get typhoid (metaphorically). What I got was a man holding a small dog who defecated into my hand, and then I was allowed to wash my hands.

"Well, this is much better than I expected!"

Sounds like you had a good time!

"I didn't say that."

To clarify, it exceeded my expectations, but did not meet my standards.

JB